The Intelligent Dog's guide to Christmas



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By now, most of you will know all about Christmas but have you really learned how to take advantage? If you haven't then it's high time you checked out the Christmas rules for dogs. 

  Christmas Guidelines For Dogs

1) Listen carefully to your humans' conversations and make a note of any mention of Christmas.  From now on you will need to be alert and ready to act at a moment's notice.

2) Practice looking sweet.  I know this is hard but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.  Vary the sweet look from "Cutie pie" (Ears cocked and head on one side) to downright sickly (Ears back, liquid eyes gazing adoringly at human.)  

My sickly sweet is coming along nicely but Jilly is the expert in this field.  She wins things as well so that helps.

3) Keep a close watch on the kitchen.  This is vital for getting extra food.  The humans tend to cook more at this time of year and you need to be ready to tidy up the bits that fall.  If you're lucky the humans will put brandy in the cooking and they will taste it to make sure it's OK.  Be ready to pounce.  When they start being silly you can get as much food out of them as you want.

4) At some point your human will ask you, "What do you want for Christmas?"  BE PREPARED.  The intelligent dog will have made a list and will have it ready to give to the human.  I've included my list below.  If they catch you unawares and you haven't got a list you need to do the following:

Put your ears back and look sweet and go and sit beside your toy box.  The average human will shriek with delight and they may get you to do this over and over again.   Sadly you will have to along with it a couple of times but then you can  introduce a variation.  Instead of going to the toy box you fetch your food bowl!  This really does it.  By now they've worked out that you want toys and food and they think you're the world's bestest and cleverest dog. Bingo!  You've got them in the palm of your paw. Keep it up!


5) Try to find out where they've hidden the toys and get hold of them well before Christmas day.  Your human goes a bit soft in the head at this time of year so when Christmas approaches they will go out and buy you something else so that they have a present to give you.  Beware.  This only works once.

Ha ha.  They think I don't know where the presents are.  Humans are really, really stupid sometimes.

6) On Christmas day you can get the maximum amount of food out of your humans whilst doing the least work.  You can also bag a good place on the furniture or a place in front of the fire and all you have to do is the cutie pie look or the sickly sweet routine.   I like Christmas.  Jilly has written out this year's Christmas list for Father Christmas with my help.  Unfortunately our Mum wrecked it by crossing things out and adding bits in red.


Bearing that in mind here's our list of things we want for Christmas please. 

24 turkeys (One each for each of us on the twelve days of Christmas

We are having just the one turkey thank you and it's being shared between all of us.

A Wubba and a Kong and lots of soft squeaky toys that I can tear to pieces.
I have given instructions as to which Kong to bring in a separate letter.

You may bring a few squeaky toys to take on walks but they will not be chewed up.

A box of chocolates.
Human chocolate is absolutely forbidden. It is very, very bad for dogs and it can kill them.

Please bring dog's chocolate drops instead.

24 selection boxes of dog treats
Just the one will do thank you Santa. 

Some lovely smelly stuff.  Bags of stuff like fish jerky and tripe thingys

Some more lovely smelly stuff.  Fox pooh is great for rolling in.
No rolling in anything on Christmas day and that's final!

A small electric motor to put on my skateboard
In the interests of preserving the furniture I think we'll forgo this one.

A cat to be delivered two weeks before Christmas day.

Love from Jilly xx

Footnote by Sasha and Jilly's Mum

I let Sasha and Jilly write this page against my better judgement but I couldn't get them to me tell why there was a cat on the Christmas list.  I would never have found out about this if I hadn't overheard them plotting. I know cats are good for chasing but I'd forgotten about their thieving ways.  The plan is that the cat knocks things off the worktop, Jilly and Sasha eat it and the cat gets the blame.  The cat is then chased all over the house for a bit of extra fun on Christmas morning.  I think not!